


John Protection Squad

by lol-phan-af (lol_phan_af)



Series: 1-800-did-I-ask [53]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Caretaking, Multi, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-31
Updated: 2016-08-31
Packaged: 2018-08-12 03:34:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7918948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lol_phan_af/pseuds/lol-phan-af
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>little lion: did y'all know that our husband is fucking stupid</p><p>little lion: he says,,,,,,,that he needs to start,,,,,,,,,,,,,,loving us better</p><p>laf: wHAT</p>
            </blockquote>





	John Protection Squad

**little lion** : did y'all know that our husband is fucking stupid  
  
 **more like HUNKules** : I  
  
 **laf** : I'm sorry??  
  
 **little lion** : he says,,,,,,,that he needs to start,,,,,,,,,,,,,,loving us better  
  
 **laf** : wHAT  
  
 **little lion** : ,,,as if he doesn't,,,,,,love us enough,,,,,,mOre than enough,,,,with his whole heart  
  
 **little lion** : fuck can I just stay home forever and Mother Husband you all for the rest of my life  
  
 **little lion** : I could be a housespouse come on  
  
 **more like HUNKules** : a hOUSESPOUSE  
  
 **laf** : as much as I would actually love for that to happen  
  
 **laf** : I know you would actually rather die than quit your job  
  
 **little lion** : idk if it meant I get to take care of you guys then I would probably do it   
  
**laf** : omg  
  
 **more like HUNKules** : if alex would have said that to me in college I would've actually thought he'd been replaced by a clone  
  
 **little lion** : character development  
  
 **little lion** : but seriously can I just stay home and take care of john  
  
 **johnn** : not necessary  
  
 **laf** : also we have guests so like what are you gonna do  
  
 **little lion** : sleep, bathe, eat, matching socks, and I'm gonna put cute clips in his hair  
  
 **johnn** : fuck I kind of want to do it now  
  
 **little lion** : REALLY  
  
 **johnn** : yes  
  
 **little lion** : YAY  
  
 **laf** : why do we even go to work  
  
 **little lion** : you have to go to work to make BANK so that we can pay the rent  
  
 **laf** : we paid the rent last week so false we have time   
  
**laf** : plus hercules makes toNS of money  
  
 **more like HUNKules** : I  
  
 **little lion** : also you're both already dressed for work so why not  
  
 **laf** : you were getting dressed when I left the room??  
  
 **little lion** : yes and then john called me beautiful and said that he needed to love!! us!! better!! to which I stopped buttoning my shirt which I now realize is yours  
  
 **laf** : I  
  
 **little lion** : we need to reorganize our closet but that's not the point  
  
 **little lion** : go to work and then use the money you earned to buy john a coffin bc he's gonna DIE after I love him to deATH  
  
 **johnn** : oh dear god what have I agreed to  
  
\---  
  
 **little lion** : hUGH   
  
**hugh lowercase** : whAT  
  
 **little lion** : me and john aren't going to work today so we're gonna be here all day just so you know  
  
 **hugh lowercase** : okay??  
  
 **hugh lowercase** : are you like sick or something do I need to be cautious  
  
 **little lion** : no john is emo and I am taking Care of Him  
  
 **hugh lowercase** : nice  
  
 **little lion** : thx  
  
 **little lion** : is there any food in the kitchen  
  
 **hugh lowercase** : no   
  
**little lion** : good that means I can go full Mother Husband  
  
 **hugh lowercase** : oh god  
  
\---  
  
 **johnn** : how the fuck did you manage to not wake me up   
  
**johnn** : I'm wearing completely different clothes now  
  
 **little lion** : you're the second heaviest sleeper in this marriage and I wake you up every single morning in the same way   
  
**little lion** : I know how to not wake you up  
  
 **johnn** : also why these clothes  
  
 **little lion** : bc lafayette buys the nicest pajama pants and hercules' hogwarts sweater is the softest one and you deserve soft things  
  
 **johnn** : omg  
  
 **johnn** : hercules is a hufflepuff tho I feel like I'm betraying my house  
  
 **little lion** : all is fair in love and wearing your husband's sweaters  
  
**johnn** : fuq true  
  
 **laf** : this is the worst thing ever why did you make me go to work  
  
 **little lion** : breakfast is done!!  
  
 **johnn** : coMING  
  
 **laf** : fuck me up I have to go to a meeting today  
  
 **little lion** : love you!!  
  
 **laf** : yeah yeah yeah w/e  
  
 **laf** : did I mention that the meeting is with the people that walked in on me blasting one direction songs  
  
 **laf** : and I don't remember one single thing we talked about @the first meeting  
  
 **little lion** : love you sm!!   
  
**laf** : ugh I love you too  
  
 **laf** : the meeting is in a conference room now bc apparently my office has too many things that can go wrong in it  
  
 **little lion** : it does,,  
  
 **laf** : anyway how is john  
  
 **little lion** : good  
  
 **little lion** : I ate before I woke him up bc I have to strip search the entire house for my box of sparkly barrettes   
  
**laf** : aren't they in the cabinet under the bathroom sink  
  
 **little lion** : no that's why I gotta look for em  
  
 **little lion** : john is talking to hugh and elizabeth rn or else I wouldn't leave him alone  
  
 **laf** : why wouldn't you??  
  
 **little lion** : bc I love him too much to let him be sad without me there   
  
**laf** : I have to go to this meeting now and I'm on the brink of tears I hate  
  
 **little lion** : gl  
  
\---  
  
 **little lion** : I have decided to do john's hair afTer we bathe   
  
**johnn** : I'm afraid what my hair will look like when it dries  
  
 **little lion** : it'll look cute bc you're beautiful and I love you  
  
 **johnn** : I  
  
 **little lion** : also I know that you love me back and you don't need to tell us bc you're a part of this relationship just as much as the rest of us and I need you to know that  
  
 **johnn** : I dO know that  
  
 **johnn** : it's just that you all deserve the world and I am definitely not able to give you that  
  
 **little lion** : then it's a good thing we never asked for it  
  
 **little lion** : and if we did you would,,,,definitely try,,,,,bc that's who you are  
  
 **johnn** : I  
  
 **more like HUNKules** : that's true  
  
 **johnn** : I'm crying in front of elizabeth and hugh pLEASE stop this   
  
**more like HUNKules** : lmao I love you sm   
  
**johnn** : I love you too  
  
\---  
  
 **elizabeth s** : do they do this a lot  
  
 **more like HUNKules** : what  
  
 **elizabeth s** : I'm sitting here with hugh and john starts crying and alex started screaming and he ran and tackled john?? and now john is laughing and alex is kissing him  
  
 **more like HUNKules** : idk yes?? we're very gay you have to get used to it  
  
 **elizabeth s** : I  
  
 **elizabeth s** : okay  
  
\---  
  
 **little lion** : my dear john  
  
 **little lion** : so covered in freckles and cotton candy scented bubble bath   
  
**laf** : I get out of my meeting to get This   
  
**little lion** : he seems so relaxed I lov  
  
 **laf** : next time you go into Mother Husband mode I want to be there  
  
 **little lion** : maybe you will be  
  
 **laf** : excuse me  
  
 **little lion** : you definitely are not totally fine no matter how much you want to be  
  
 **laf** : I  
  
 **little lion** : ://   
  
**little lion** : I'm sorry dear I have to go john needs me  
  
 **laf** : he always will  
  
 **little lion** : :^))))  
  
\---  
  
 **johnn** : he's letting me wear his robe that matches our socks and I'm fucking screaming  
  
 **little lion** : my dear john covered in freckles and soft purple striped materials  
  
 **laf** : this is tHE!! WORST!! DAY!! OF!! MY!! LIFE!!  
  
 **johnn** : lmao almost walked out of the bathroom wearing only the robe  
  
 **laf** : I have never???? wanted to come home more?????  
  
 **more like HUNKules** : FUCKIN RT   
  
**johnn** : four and a half hours  
  
 **laf** : oh my god  
  
\---  
  
 **little lion** : help!!   
  
**more like HUNKules** : wHAT WHATS WRONG  
  
 **little lion** : I have rose barrettes and daisies  
  
 **little lion** : I have butterflies too actually  
  
 **little lion** : but when do I not when it comes to john lmao   
  
**little lion** : anyway idk which ones would look the nicest on john  
  
 **more like HUNKules** : butterflies and daisy combo  
  
 **little lion** : see this is why you're so good at your job  
  
 **more like HUNKules** : I??  
  
 **little lion** : john's goNNA LOOK SO FUCKIN GOOD IM YELLING  
  
 **more like HUNKules** : IM SO EXCITED TO SEE HIM  
  
 **little lion** : fuck do I remember how to fishtail braid  
  
 **little lion** : we're gonna do a french braid instead   
  
**little lion** : fuck john will look good in either it doesn't maTTER FUCK  
  
 **little lion** : I GOTTA GO  
  
 **more like HUNKules** : I'm so worried   
  
\---  
  
 **hugh lowercase** : bc I am genuinely afraid am I allowed to make lunch or is that part of your Mother Husbanding  
  
 **little lion** : alex said that you can if you want but he makes really good pasta so you shouldn't -john  
  
 **hugh lowercase** : should I also be afraid of why he can't speak  
  
 **little lion** : he's in his element in braiding rn and can't type bc it'll fuck him up -john  
  
 **little lion** : also under what other circumstances would he not be able to speak -john  
  
 **hugh lowercase** : hercules tells me things   
  
**little lion** : omg -john  
  
 **little lion** : omg -alex  
  
 **hugh lowercase** : I   
  
\---  
  
 **little lion** : when hugh starts boiling water so you can start making pasta when you're done putting barrettes in john's hair  
  
 **little lion** : like?? brother-in-law goals??  
  
 **more like HUNKules** : oh my god  
  
 **johnn** : alex told him he loved him and elizabeth snorted  
  
 **johnn** : tbh tho I want to know elizabeth I want to be her friend  
  
 **more like HUNKules** : she is living at our house until Friday  
  
 **johnn** : good  
  
 **johnn** : alex somehow found time to make me tea while talking to hugh   
  
**little lion** : Mother Husbanding knows no bounds  
  
 **johnn** : jesus  
  
\---  
  
 **laf** : when gwash tells me to go home early??  
  
 **laf** : and I'm like lmao do you think that I'd be here at all if alex didn't have a strict Mother Husband routine  
  
 **laf** : and he's like ???  
  
 **laf** : so I spend Time explaining the Mother Husband thing to him and he just is silent for like three minutes  
  
 **laf** : and then he goes "you all are so in love, it's disgusting, I have to get back to work leave whenever"   
  
**more like HUNKules** : oH MY G O D   
  
**little lion** : WAIT IF YOU'RE COMING HOME EARLY EAT LUNCH FIRST BC WE DONT HAVE ENOUGH FOOD  
  
 **laf** : ABSOLUTELY RUDE  
  
 **little lion** : I MAKE ENOUGH FOOD FOR FOUR PEOPLE  
  
 **little lion** : USUALLY THERE ARENT TWO PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT YOU HERE TO EAT IT  
  
 **laf** : ILL EAT ON MY WAY HOME  
  
 **little lion** : YAY THEN WE CAN ALL CUDDLE TOGETHER!!  
  
 **more like HUNKules** : FUCK IM RUNNING HOME  
  
 **laf** : I WOULDVE PICKED YOU UP  
  
 **more like HUNKules** : TOO LATE IVE ALREADY STARTED RUNNING  
  
 **little lion** : ITS LIKE A FIFTY MINUTE WALK  
  
 **more like HUNKules** : ITS A GOOD THING IM RUNNING THEN  
  
\---  
  
 **laf** : I just fucking saw hercules and he outran the car  
  
 **laf** : also I'm in traffic and I know I shouldn't be texting but this has no sign of stopping and I have time to kill  
  
 **little lion** : that means when he gets home he's gonna be sweaty and out of breath and I'm going to be fucking dead  
  
 **johnn** : I am wearing nothing but my underwear and a robe he can't to this to me  
  
 **laf** : I literally am watching his back muscles as he gets further away from me  
  
 **little lion** : wait he's shirtless  
  
 **laf** : yeah idk where his shirt went  
  
 **little lion** : fuck how do I warn people that things are gonna get weird   
  
**johnn** : I hate him   
  
**johnn** : "okay so basically idk how else to say this but your brother and your ex boyfriend is running home rn to be with us so if he shows up and things get weird just,,,,,,look away,,," cue two disgusted looks and my laughing  
  
 **laf** : you kissed him for it didn't you  
  
 **johnn** : of course I did  
  
 **johnn** : he can be in Mother Husband mode all he wants to be but he's still my alexander   
  
**laf** : aw  
  
\---  
  
 **little lion** : what the fuck  
  
 **little lion** : I'm supposed to cARE FOR YOU   
  
**little lion** : AND YOU'RE SITTING HERE SAYING HOW MUCH YOU LOVE ME  
  
 **little lion** : AND YOURE LIKE ""I WISH I LOVED YOU BETTER"" LIKE IF YOU COULD LOVE US ANYMORE YOUD GO INTO CARDIAC ARREST   
  
**johnn** : I   
  
**johnn** : it's just that   
  
**johnn** : I know I love you more than anything else   
  
**johnn** : I'm very gay it's well established  
  
 **johnn** : it's just that sometimes I feel like I don't Do Enough  
  
 **johnn** : like you took care of me all day and I just??  
  
 **johnn** : wish I could do something like that for you  
  
 **little lion** : you asshole  
  
 **little lion** : you beautiful motherfucker  
  
 **johnn** : I  
  
 **little lion** : you do not need to do that for us  
  
 **little lion** : allowing me/us to do it for you is enough   
  
**johnn** : I just feel like I could do something but I just don't how  
  
 **little lion** : if you want to do something you could come over here and kiss me   
  
**johnn** : okay that I know how to do  
  
 **little lion** : oh I know  
  
\---  
  
 **more like HUNKules** : IM HERE IM HERE IM HERE  
  
 **little lion** : YOURE SWEATY AS F U C K  
  
 **more like HUNKules** : you never seem to mind it   
  
**little lion** : different circumstances dear  
  
 **laf** : I AM FUCKING SPRINTING UP THE STAIRS HOLY SHIT  
  
 **johnn** : that's actually terrifying  
  
 **laf** : ??  
  
 **johnn** : it took hercules 20 minutes to run here   
  
**johnn** : he outran your fucking car  
  
 **more like HUNKules** : I said it before and I'll say it again  
  
 **more like HUNKules** : the things I do for love and cool headgear  
  
 **laf** : fUCK IM HERE  
  
 **johnn** : yAY  
  
\---  
  
 **more like HUNKules** : omg I just noticed john's hair it's so nice  
  
 **more like HUNKules** : like as he walked into our room I saw it and it's so pretty I love  
  
 **johnn** : thank you  
  
 **more like HUNKules** : I don't want to ruin it tho  
  
 **little lion** : I can redo it  
  
 **more like HUNKules** : still  
  
 **johnn** : I have an idea  
  
 **more like HUNKules** : and that is  
  
 **johnn** : come here and I'll tell you  
  
 **more like HUNKules** : oH sHIT  
  
\---  
  
 **little lion** : my dear john  
  
 **little lion** : covered in freckles and cuansjkodjnslj  
  
 **johnn** : SNATCHED   
  
**johnn** : SIN  T E R M I N A T E D

**Author's Note:**

> I just?? I'm really emo so here's this


End file.
